The Day I Admitted I Had An Eating Disorder - sarahspeers.com

The Day I Admitted I Had An Eating Disorder

“Dear Diary, Well an interesting thing has happened. My mother’s fear has come true. I have an eating disorder.”  

I was going through some boxes and came across an old diary from 2012. I opened it and was surprised to find the entry I landed on was the one where I admitted that I had an eating disorder. It was also the one where I set my intentions of how I wanted to heal and the type of healthy relationship with food and my body I wanted to achieve.

I cried as I read the words on the page.

I cried for that 25-year-old girl, remembering how much pain and anguish she was in every single day as she struggled to control her eating that was ruining her health, happiness and life.

I cried because I realized how far I had come. I’d done it. I had healed myself, just like I’d committed to in those pages. I’d gotten myself and my life back, I’d found food freedom and peace of mind, and I felt like a normal eater again.

And I didn’t stop there. After I made my own recovery, I committed to helping others find the same success.

I went back to graduate school and trained as a psychotherapist. I worked in eating disorder clinics, ran an intensive treatment program for Binge Eating Disorder at a world-class institution, and directed a behavioral health program at a fitness and health center.

I explored alternative methods for healing and became trained in a variety of energy-healing techniques that have been instrumental in my own healing and the improvements of many of my clients.  I teach people how to integrate traditional modalities with modern approaches to get at the root of their issues and achieve holistic wellness that extends far beyond following a diet plan perfectly.
 
Healing is possible. It was for me, and it is for you, along with any person out there who is struggling with food cravings, overeating, nonstop thinking about food, and unhealthy eating behaviors.

And you don’t have to do it alone.

It took me six years and hundreds of thousands of dollars in education, training and services to finally uncover the secrets to healing that allowed me to achieve being a normal eater again. And now I’m able to share those tools and processes with you, so that you can have the blueprint and roadmap you need to get from where you are to where you want to be as quickly as possible.

Read my full diary entry below. If you resonate with my struggles and have the same intentions for healing, I want you to know that I’m here for you. I want to give you hope that if I can do it, you can too!

But if you don’t know where or how to start, and are looking for someone to guide you through the process to get from where you are to where you want to be, then I invite you to grab a spot on my calendar to schedule a complimentary Food Freedom Consultation with me. I changed my life. You can change yours.


11/18/2012
 
Dear Diary,
 
Well an interesting thing has happened. My mother’s fear has come true. I have an eating disorder!
 
Oye, it has been a struggle. And I’ve been in denial about the reality. I didn’t think it could ever happen to me, and it has. 
(I had been a normal eater for 23 years of my life, and suddenly I found that everything I ate I threw up or I would end up binging. It took 6 months of this before it dawned on me there was anything wrong with this pattern. It was a tough reality to face because I had always thought of myself as healthy and here I was extremely sick.)
 
I have finally told someone, and it already feels like the first step in my recovery. This is good. 
(If you’re struggling alone, I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to seek support from family, friend and professionals. There is nothing to be ashamed about.)
 
My eating- not so good.
(I was binging nightly on 2,000-5,000 calories, and usually purging after. It was hard for me to eat normally, and I often followed binges by restricting the next day to make up for overeating and being “bad”)
 
Here’s what I want:
 
I want to love my body. I want to wake up every day and feel good, happy and healthy.
 
I want to be healthy. As health as I possibly can be, because I would hate to one day discover I have cancer (or some other physical illness) because I didn’t care for myself.  
(My intention had always been to be healthy, but the outcome of my choices turned into an unhealthy obsession and eating patterns I couldn’t control that were controlling me and my life. Can you relate?)
 
I have been given this amazing body; this miracle machine. I want to honor it, preserve it and love it. I want to treat it right. And that means I must eat right.
 
(Do you have a similar desire?)
 
I’ve forgotten how to eat normally, but I’m determined to get it back.
 
(Are you determined to find a way to get better too, no matter what?)
 
I want to eat 3 meals a day.
 
I want to nourish my body with delicious, incredible whole foods that have grown from the earth.
 
I want to savor my food; to eat mindfully and savor the flavor, texture and smell. To chew my food thoroughly. To listen to my body and stop when I’m satisfied. To know that it’s okay to be hungry. To embrace the feeling of hunger. To drink water- lots and lots of water so my body and cells tingle with life.
 
(Hell yes! Let me tell you what- IT’S POSSIBLE!! Because I’m there- back to being a normal eater. No more binges. No more intense food cravings I can’t resist. No more one bite turning into a whole box. No more restriction or purging. Just normal eating).
 
And then I want to love my body, every inch of it!
 
I want to be the Goddess on this earth that I am.
 
(And I want that for YOU too. We are all here to embrace the powerful Goddesses that we are, and we can’t let things like food and eating keep you from being her.)
 
Help me find the strength and willpower to do it.
 
(You know what I realized? It’s not about strength and willpower. It’s about having the right information, tools, technique and process to radically shift how your brain and body are operating so you DON’T have to use willpower to resist. These changes just happen naturally).
 
Amen, Amen, Amen.



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